Have you ever wondered what it is that makes you attractive to someone? I mean, it’s pretty easy to tell when someone from the opposite gender is attractive, but what is it that makes you attractive to the opposite gender? Have you ever thought about that?
Now, I’m sure you realise this is a rather complex subject in the sense that a man is attractive if he carries himself a certain way, if he looks at a woman that certain way, if he talks a certain way and on top of that there’s still all of the physical traits that make him attractive and even the way he smells. For a woman, the exact same thing – there’s a certain way attractive women carry themselves, look at other people and even the way they interact with others as well as all the physical traits that make them attractive. It seems to be a rather long and complex equation we’re balancing out in our heads to decide whether someone’s attractive or not, and yet, it’s so simple we do it in a fraction of a second…
So what is it that our brains are actually scanning for that makes us decide someone’s attractive? Knowing how much of a man or a woman they are.
I know this may sound over simplistic, but it’s really not. I mean, a “real man” carries himself that certain way, with confidence and presence and looks into a woman’s eyes the way only a “real man” can. A “real woman” behaves in a comfortable and feminine fashion and interacts in a humble and warm manner with others.
This assessment others make of how masculine or feminine you are is what we call Gender Roles.
How Gender Roles work
Think of how magnets work – the positive and negative charges attract; if you have two positives or two negatives, they will repel each other. The same is true for Gender Roles.
If you have a couple in which both parties are fulfilling their Gender Roles, he’ll feel masculine and assertive and she’ll feel feminine, dainty and sexy, which will lead to both feeling confident and powerful – which makes for a happy relationship in their own rights.
If, however, one of those parties reverses their Gender Role – like, say, the man starts playing the female gender role, she’s inevitably going to have to shift her polarity so she’s playing the male role. We see this all too often in couples where he starts being very emotional and insecure and she becomes stoic and cold to maintain the balance in the relationship.
That’s why in gay couples we always notice someone standing out as “the man of the relationship” and the other as “the woman”, even if they’re both men or both women.
This also means that controlling your charge can mean success or failure in the relationship you want. So, for example, assuming you’re a woman who wants to attract a “real man”, you’ll only be attractive to him if he perceives you as a “real woman” who’s fully playing out her Gender Role.
The same goes for men, by the way. A man who wants to attract a feminine woman must be playing the male gender role.
The Male Gender Role
If you’re a man: To play the male gender role successfully, you must take charge of the interaction and, to a degree, of the relationship. It’s essentially up to you to lead her experience, to make the dinner plans and to create the setting for her to enjoy herself. You can think of it as if she’s dancing in the meadow – she’s dancing and having fun – it’s up to you to plug all the holes in the ground, remove all the stones where she could trip and swat any mosquitoes away so she can fully enjoy the experience. This means you will have to make decisions and stand by them – which, yes, does mean you can get a little authoritative, but trust me, that’s cool.
If you’re a woman: Men need to feel like men in order to behave like men, so if you want to bring out his Gender Role, all you have to do is make him feel like a man. This means, for one, acting on your female gender role, on top of that, you can get him to feel like a man by complimenting masculine features, like his arms or pecs, remarking on masculine traits, like strength and height (as well as other measurements) and by telling him ever so often how much you respect him. When he does act like a man, be mindful to voice out loud how much you appreciate that – a simple “Mmm, yes, sir!” or “I love it when you take charge” with a smile is more than enough to that effect.
The Female Gender Role
If you’re a woman: Embracing your female gender role really means no more than embracing your feminine side. A lot of women out there have taken to acting “tough”, which, really, is basically them acting as men – so of course men won’t be attracted to them. A real feminine woman is in full control because she accepts the power that comes from embracing herself and her femininity.
Your role in the relationship is to bring the emotional charge. That means all you have to do is have fun, be playful and elicit emotions in him (the more positive the better, naturally). This means you can hug him, jump up and down, even dance in the middle of the street, if you like – it doesn’t matter, just be free. Even if he sighs and looks the other way, you’ll see there will be a smile on his lips, so really, he’s just acting macho in pretending he doesn’t like seeing your energy – but he totally does and loves you for it.
If you’re a man: If you want a woman to feel free to act on her femininity, you must be acting on your Gender Role first. Your calm and control will make her feel safe and secure to be able to experience all of the emotion. On top of that, as a “real man”, you’ll also be creating and enabling the situations for her to let loose and enjoy herself, so that’s definitely a must.
Aside from your Gender Role, though, she will only feel free to show her femininity if you make her feel comfortable about that. That means you’ll need to build some trust between you too and show her unconditional and unrestrained acceptance. Exposing emotions shows a lot of courage and makes her feel vulnerable – so always accept her and show appreciation for her when she does, so she feels in her bones she’s safe to open herself up to you that way.
Take it to the next level
If you found this helpful, you can find a ton of additional information like this one that makes or breaks your success with men HERE. The book was designed to easily and effortlessly allow you to understand how men’s minds work, how relationships work and how you can get the best possible results in your relationships as well.